And if you’re like most of us, you’d probably break down the door of the lab if you thought there was actually a test tube full of love-generating mixture in there. A heterosexual man and woman enter the lab through separate doors.
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The cataclysmic shift from worrying about your own worthiness, hoping that attractive person will like you, and relying on that person for validation, to choosing a partner worthy of you because you know your own value. What’s interesting is that the prevailing custom of men doing the asking out puts us in the self-questioning frame of, “Am I worthy to date you? What if I’m the guy who gets friend-zoned with no benefits? You’re a unique individual with a personality, a way of being, and a collection of talents that no other person possesses. This is not a trick or some sort of pick-up artistry. Being comfortable in your own skin, even though you haven’t had much skin-to-skin contact lately. Trust that you don’t have to be ripped, or rich, or recognized for your contributions to society to deserve a nice, attractive, loving partner. It just doesn’t seem possible that it will happen when it hasn’t happened yet. When you trust this way, you’ll find your heart opening (as Bryan describes), and with it will open a new world of possibilities.
When I was in middle school, I experienced my first big crush.
(Excerpts from that conversation will appear in another post.) The end result of our discussion was not any of the group members trying the experiment with each other—though some secret crushes surely exist among our writers. And then sifting out those who aren’t right for you. What if I’m a man who likes women but women just don’t like me? Trust your discernment and your ability to go after what you want.
What we got instead was a masterful post by Bryan Reeves: How to Get Anyone to Fall in Love With You (in Theory). And one more thing: You might practice all those behaviors you mentioned, but it might still not work out with someone you like. It just means that you two weren’t compatible anyway. The cataclysmic shift from worrying about your own worthiness, hoping that attractive person will like you, and relying on that person for validation, to choosing a partner worthy of you because you know your own value. What if I’ve been rejected so many times I’d rather just pay for sex, become a hermit, or enter the priesthood? You have something to offer, even if it’s just kindness or a great sense of humor. You can start with confidence affirmations and begin to shift the way you present yourself to the world. Trust that there’s no one type of guy who gets the girl (if you’re looking for a girl).